This is my front page. All comments here are screened; if you don't have my email address, you can drop me a line here. If I know your email address, I'll reply by email -- if not, I'll reply to your comment, and then rescreen both your comment and my reply.
It's also got every tag I have -- this is because my current LJ style doesn't include a tag index. (At least half of my participation on LJ is on my Treo. I chose this style because it loads quickly and it's still readable on a small screen.)
I'd tell you more about myself, but that's what my profile -- and the rest of my journal -- are for.
Sun, Oct. 12th, 2008, 11:12 pm Jeepers crumpets, what could that be?
A while back, I mentioned that there was going to be a porno which included look-alikes for Sarah Palin, Hillary Clinton (likely played by Nina Hartley), and Condi Rice. Well, here's the script.
It's terrible. It's awesome. It's terribly awesome. It's crack-tastic. It's freakin' hilarious. Bill Orally O'Reilly's lines (and temper tantrums) are especially hysterical, but really, the rest of the script is plain ol' badfic gold. And I'm not saying that just because I'm slightly drunk, but I'm sure that helps.
This porno is now on my list of pornos that I'll claim I'd buy in a heartbeat, but I'll just never get around to it. (This list includes Run Mary Run -- also a political spoof -- as well as Cinderella and Alice in Wonderland. What can I say, I'm warped. If I ever buy any porn at all, it will no doubt reflect that I'm warped.)
So, diziara just sent me this. For those of you who don't want to click, it explains that a while back, an online comic made a joke about making a virus that would read your comments out loud whenever you tried to make a comment on YouTube. (For those of you blissfully unfamiliar, YouTube comments are bloodchillingly idiotic even by internet standards. The idea is that people who post these comments will realize, for the first time, how moronic they are.)
Well, apparently, YouTube listened. They've added an audio preview button.
I may be far too easily amused, but OMFG, this is the best new feature ever! I'm not even going to post comments with it -- I'll just use it to make my computer say rude things and crack me up.
Wed, Oct. 8th, 2008, 11:46 pm Don't be a bigot, and don't get your junk inspected. No on Prop 8.
For those of you unfamiliar, Proposition 8 in California is an attempt at a constitutional amendment defining marriage as existing only between a man and a woman. In other words, "Waaaaa! We used to be able to kill those queers by stoning them, and we can't any more! Waaaa! And now we can't sack them from their jobs just for being queer any more, either! Waaaaa! More and more, we have to treat those queers as if they're actual human beings! Waaaaa! Can't you let us keep them from marrying, that's all we've got left! Can't you see, that's all we've got left! WAAAAAAAAAA!"
Somebody call a fucking waaaaa-mbulance. Anyway, I'm starting to see pro-prop-eight ads at work on TV. Fortunately, I'm seeing anti-prop-eight ads, too, though nothing quite as entertaining as this one:
Of course, I'm a guy on the internet, and as you folks all know, all guys have big dicks on the internet, so I'm not worried about being embarrassed in this fashion. But that's really not the point.
Tue, Oct. 7th, 2008, 05:05 pm If you thought politics made strange bedfellows BEFORE...!
A while back, we here in California had a recall election, in which there were over 100 contenders for Governor, including Mary Carey (a porn actress) and Larry Flynt (the guy who runs Hustler Magazine). Eventually Arnold Schwarzenegger won the recall, but one of the more amusing side effects of the recall was a pornographic spoof called Run Mary Run.
Well, the porn industry is at it again. Imagine a porno that includes a Sarah Palin lookalike, a Condoleezza Rice lookalike, and a Hillary Clinton lookalike. Or wait a month or so, and you won't have to imagine it for yourself -- you'll be able to buy or rent it.
Saw V is coming up, and with it, my review of it, in which I will likely say lots of mean things about it. Well, okay, it's possible that Saw V may be good, but considering that the previous four movies were all just barely-dressed-up torture porn, how likely is that, really? Anyway, last year, I saw Saw IV after having three of those single-shot bottles of good alcohol, which made the movie a lot more amusing. I'll probably be doing the same thing again this year.
In addition, a friend on LJ gave me a writing challenge, also related to Saw V. The scary thing is, it turns out the real challenge will be waiting until Saw V is actually released to post it. I'll probably post it under footsie's name, on JournalFen. I'll provide a link here when I've posted it there.
Tue, Oct. 7th, 2008, 11:37 am Our candidates. Compare and contrast.
I stole this from caprine, who now owes me a new set of abdominal muscles, because I laughed so hard I've torn mine. Ow! Ow! Ow! And I still can't stop laughing!
Sun, Oct. 5th, 2008, 07:45 am Let's hear it for charity drives!
Meet Scott Ramsoomair, the guy behind the web comic VG Cats. Right now, he is adrift on the internet, his life totally without meaning. But you can help! It won't cost you any money, just a few moments of your time. You! Can give Scott's life some meaning. You! Can give his life a purpose. You! Can give him the thing he most desperately needs.
All you have to do is look at this strip, and be offended by it. And then, once it's offended you, look at the strip following it.
Won't you validate his existence? Won't you acknowledge how hardcore and "edgy" he is? Won't you help him achieve his purpose? He works so hard to offend all of you. Can't you make his dreams come true by being offended?
Fri, Oct. 3rd, 2008, 10:07 am Poor Sarah Palin. If I could only find it in myself to feel sorry for her.
Yes, I know. I'm singling out Sarah Palin for much abuse, never mind that lots of Republicans have argued that Obama is just as green as she is. Mostly it's because I still haven't forgiven her for signing off on a budget that required rape victims to pay for their own forensic examinations. Nor shall I forgive her for this any time soon...
Oops. Sorry. I forget that I'm making a point of keeping the seriousness regarding the election to a minimum in my LJ. (Lately, that's been taking a lot more alcohol.) Just watch the damn video!
Wed, Oct. 1st, 2008, 09:56 am It's true. Slash fans really are everywhere.
I offer you the cover of the October 2008 issue of The Progressive. Personally, I can't see the two together, but I can't see a lot of the pairings that are so popular, either, so what do I know? I mean, really, there are enough people slashing the brothers in that show Supernatural that they've come up with a new word for it: Wincest. The Winchester brothers are pretty, I'll grant, but have all you writers never heard of Westermarck effect?
(Note to self: make another muppet icon. Sam the Eagle, with the word "weeeeirdos!" under it. I'll go well with my Swedish Chef icon, and my Beaker icon.)
Where was I? Oh, yes, the magazine cover.
Actually, I think I can see the appeal from McCain's point of view. After all, at least Obama isn't a cunt (NSFW!) who plasters on the makeup like a trollop. Ba-dum, tsh! Yeah, I know, cheap shot. And how many times have I linked to that video by now?
(Slightly more seriously, though, if you're spending $5000 on makeup, you're in a glass house, and you really shouldn't be criticizing anyone's makeup. Or $400 haircuts, for that matter.)
Mon, Sep. 29th, 2008, 10:59 am More political junk
But this is me, so I'm still trying to keep the seriousness down to a minimum. Besides, I'm genuinely stunned. Saturday Night Live hasn't done anything even remotely clever in who knows how long, and then they pull a stunt like this! Wheee!
Thu, Sep. 25th, 2008, 04:33 pm Guess who I just found doing naughty things?
Well, okay, I didn't find this. A friend just emailed it to me. But I guess this proves that Sarah Palin isn't the goody-goody she pretends to be! Aha! You've been unmasked, foul demoness of the batshit right!
Wed, Sep. 24th, 2008, 10:38 am "I'm gay!" "I'm catholic!" "I shit in the woods!"
A while back, JKR kicked Dumbledore out of the closet. Never mind the fact that Dumbledore is a fictional character, all hell broke loose, and I was very much entertained.
Just lately, some dweeb from American Idol just came out of the closet. Of course, I didn't catch this on Entertainment news, since I never watch it. No. I discovered it on Fandom Wank, because all hell broke loose. Of course, this ended up in ONTD, which is the foulest hive of batshit morons ever to exist on the internet, but it's still fun to watch. I'm melting butter and making popcorn as we speak -- then I'll be looking for tasty powders to sprinkle on the popcorn. (Cayenne pepper and garlic salt is one of my favorite combinations. Cocoa powder works well, too, though obviously not with garlic and cayenne.)
Just think of the shitstorm that would result if Tom Cruise came out! Lots of people congratulating him, lots of people attacking him, and lots of Scientology wank on the side! It would be an endless font of entertainment! I swear, if one of my sparky friends ever finishes her fuzzy pink mind control laser, Tom Cruise is going down!
Fri, Sep. 19th, 2008, 01:05 pm What is the sound of one person's arteries clogging?
Disclaimer: I have not tried this recipe. In fact, I consider bacon to be one of the most disgusting alleged foodstuffs on the planet, so it's highly unlikely that I will ever try this recipe. I post this recipe here only for the sake of science, and because I'm very much aware that people-who-hate-bacon are a very small minority.
Ingredients: 1000 g milk 1000 g cream 750 g egg yolks 625 g sugar 6 strips of cooked bacon
Instructions: • Thoroughly cook bacon, keep warm. • Bring milk and cream to a boil. • Add bacon to the hot dairy. • Cover and infuse for 4 hours. • Strain out bacon. • Bring baconed dairy back to a boil. • Whisk yolk and sugar together. • Temper hot dairy into yolks mixture. • Pour back into the dairy. • Cook over low heat, stirring with a wooden spoon till it reaches nappe (coats the spoon). • Cool over an ice bath. • Spin in an ice cream machine.
Fri, Sep. 19th, 2008, 09:55 am You have no idea how much I hate these people.
(Stolen from ms_daisy_cutter, who saw the article and decided that I simply had to see it. Judging from the fact that I'm posting on it, I'd say she was right.)
The phrase "pot calling the kettle black" is often useuseful, but does not adequately describe certain levels of hypocrisy. In this particular case, picture the pot using racial slurs, and wearing one of those silly white robes.
Short version: the RIAA has sued about thirty thousand people over copyright infringement. Their suits have ranged from bullying small children and the elderly, to suing dead people. One of a small handful of attorneys who's willing to defend the accused in these cases is now under attack: the RIAA is suing for damages, and is accusing this attorney of being a "Vexatious Litigator."
(As I understand it, if someone is labeled a vexatious litigator, it becomes very difficult for them to go to court. I'm not a lawyer, though, so don't quote me. Why no one has sought to hit the RIAA with that label is beyond me -- again, I'm not a lawyer.)
Apparently, the lawyer "unnecessarily prolonged" the court battle by, I don't know? Actually fighting it? Not meekly bending over and taking it? The fact that the lawyer in question has a blog doesn't help. The RIAA claims that he's out to embarrass them -- never mind that they do an excellent job of that on their own.
Thu, Sep. 18th, 2008, 01:03 pm A slight twist on an ad campaign
Have you seen all those ads for Viagra? Have you noticed that all the couples in those ads involve men in their fifties, with wives in their twenties or possibly thirties?
I can't be the only one who wants to see this convention turned on its ear. Maybe an ad for some sensual product for women, starring someone like Lynda Carter, or Ellen Burstyn, or Sally Kellerman -- a lady to whom the years have been kind, but there have obviously been plenty of them. (Lynda Carter is the youngest of the three, at 57.) Then it shows her starting to get frisky with a guy in his twenties, before the voiceover starts telling you what health issues you shouldn't have if you plan to take this drug.
Seriously, wouldn't that be an awesome ad? Wouldn't that kind of gender equality in media be great?
I'm totally not bringing this up because "cute younger man with hot older woman" is one of my kinks or anything...
Sun, Sep. 14th, 2008, 12:18 am Candidates exposed!
I'm not saying you're the kind of people who want to see Obama in a sex video, but if you are, be careful. One of the latest phishing expeditions involves spam that promises Obama-porn in the subject header, and then installs malware on your computer.
In related news, it is possible to find nudie pics of Sarah Palin... if you don't mind bad photoshopping. (NSFW!) At least one website has taken a bunch down for fear of "offending people," but that just means that if you're interested, you'll need to look harder. Um. Put more effort into looking. You know what I mean.
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drunk
