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Wed, Dec. 13th, 2006, 09:52 am
Stolen from Sensible Erection
Don't eat soy, it's bad for you!If your little girl eats or drinks soy products (like soy milk), she'll start menstruating while she's still watching Sesame Street¹. If your little boy eats or drinks soy products, it'll be much, much worse: he won't start puberty until he's out of High School, his genitals will be embarrassingly small, and worst of all... (Insert the shrieking violins from the shower scene in Psycho.) ...he'll probably be GAY!!!Oh, and soy also causes thyroid problems, obesity, breast cancer, childhood leukemia, infertility, and various other ills, but of course none of these problems compare to spending life as a pencil-necked queer with a small pee-pee! It must be true! I read it on a right-wing tabloid website!
- And can you imagine what Sesame Street would be like then? Do we really need to see Count Von Count with his charming accent, as he teaches pubescent six-year-olds? "One! Two! Three! Three used tampons! Ah ah ah!" And let's not forget, he is a vampire. He can finish up his lesson by putting a kettle on for some tea...
Bastard Fairies!A quirky little band who offers the entirety of one of their albums for free download. My personal favorite is track six. "All you mormons who like cussing, you are going to hell! All you preachers who like fucking, you are going to hell! Little boys that choke the chicken, you are going to hell! It's the nature of evolution, the dinosaurs went to hell!" Bitchy and/or GossipyI thought of the sometimes crude and always very entertaining ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) misskitten88 the moment I saw this list of the 40 Best Celebrity Rumors Ever. From #1: "Hearsay ballooned into the most famous celebrity rumor in history when someone faxed dozens of Hollywood offices a fake ASPCA press release claiming that Gere had 'abused' a gerbil." From #6: "Some have said that the rumor about Mick Jagger and David Bowie having an affair in the '70s was fueled by prurient homophobia. We prefer to think it became popular because it's fucking hot." (Personally, I disagree. David Bowie may be on my "guys I'd switch teams for" list, but Mick Jagger is definitely not. If that list exploded, Mick Jagger wouldn't hear the boom for at least two days.) From #11: "In conclusion, arguments are strong on both sides of this important issue; judge for yourself. Incidentally, we're grateful for a job that allows us to spend hours Googling 'jamie lee curtis hermaphrodite'." Sadly, nothing on Brandon Routh, either on his penis size (allegedly very big) or his orientation (allegedly very gay). Too bad. I knew someone on a web forum who claimed that Brandon Routh was all man, 100% straight, no cock for him, no sirree bob. It was so much fun to watch his head a splode the first time this topic came up.
Wed, Dec. 13th, 2006 06:23 pm (UTC)
happiestsadist
I'm all full of soy and I didn't get what little boob I have until I was 16-18.:( But I did get a love of pussy from the tofu-eating, so I guess it works out. Wed, Dec. 13th, 2006 06:35 pm (UTC)
flamingchords
Y'know, they didn't actually address whether soy caused homosexual tendencies in women, just in men. (Probably because men doing the nasty with other men is OMFGNASTY, and women doing the nasty with other women is OMFGHAWT! Gotta love those double standards, huh?) I kinda envy you. Maybe I should have eaten more soy myself. Sure, I'd be a bit... ahem, smaller, but I could spare an inch if it meant I'd have twice as many partners! (But only a little more soy. Let's not go overboard -- if I start to think of women as anything less than awesome, it's time to stop and devour a big, half-raw steak.) Wed, Dec. 13th, 2006 06:45 pm (UTC)
happiestsadist
Yeah, nobody ever worries about the lesbians. Wheee, double standards. Hmm, maybe steak-wrapped soy meat? Or soy bacon wrapped around a big, manyly steak? Wed, Dec. 13th, 2006 06:55 pm (UTC)
flamingchords
I'd try steak topped with natto, except for two things: 1. Natto apparently wouldn't work -- something about fermentation apparently neutralizes the feminizing effects of soy. 2. The smell of natto would turn me off the steak. Wed, Dec. 13th, 2006 06:57 pm (UTC)
happiestsadist
Yeah, that's a pretty heinous smell. Wed, Dec. 13th, 2006 07:22 pm (UTC)
iamspecial
Oh my God. Food makes you gay now? Awesome, just awesome. Wed, Dec. 13th, 2006 10:37 pm (UTC)
flamingchords
And all this time I thought that if I just avoided quiche, I'd be safe! Wed, Dec. 13th, 2006 09:30 pm (UTC)
minrho
Holy crap! I grew up eating soy up the wazoo, and now my cock is tiny. Wed, Dec. 13th, 2006 10:19 pm (UTC)
lesliee41
Some of my favorite people are pencil-necked queers with small pee pees. Wed, Dec. 13th, 2006 10:47 pm (UTC)
trishmcneill
*snerk* Soy does what? *sporffle* Where in the hell do they GET this stuff! *wheezes from laughing so hard* Wed, Dec. 13th, 2006 10:54 pm (UTC)
flamingchords
I think that that they started with the assumption that real men eat lots and lots of red meat, and from that assumption, went to the Land of Conclusions (you get there by jumping), with a layover in Pulling-Data-Out-Of-Assland. Not that I have anything against red meat. I'm actually quite fond of red meat, and with the exceptions of a few dishes, I really don't like tofu. But unlike the idiot who wrote this article, I'm not in the habit of confusing my own personal tastes with health guidelines. Thu, Dec. 14th, 2006 12:33 am (UTC)
lysana
And here I thought the Bowie/Jagger affair rumor was fueled by David's ex-wife Angela reporting on finding them in bed together twice while she was married to David. Thu, Dec. 14th, 2006 06:19 am (UTC)
drave117
Well, when I saw Routh at Wonder-Con, he did mention a girlfriend. I suppose she could have been a beard, but I don't think he was big enough at the time to need one. Just because Singer was lusting after him doesn't make him gay. >_> Thu, Dec. 14th, 2006 02:50 pm (UTC)
lacontessamala
If your little boy eats or drinks soy products, it'll be much, much worse: he won't start puberty until he's out of High School...My son drinks only soy milk, but considering that my husband was pretty much shaving in utero, I'll take my chances. *looks at website* Please tell me this is a satire. My sanity dictates that I must believe so. *lalalalala* You know what I think? I think someone's got the tiniest little man bits, and is looking for something to blame. What else could explain such godawful, uncited "research"? 'Cause I'd really like to see what scientific studies he's taking these bizarre assertions from. Could be they're almost as credible as that one right-wing group responsible for spreading the lie about abortion raising breast cancer rates. Well, not like it matters a whole lot how rigorous the standards are anymore/a little cynical today Fri, Dec. 15th, 2006 07:03 pm (UTC)
dejalemming: Huh?
Worse, there's now scientific evidence that estrogen ingredients in soy products may be boosting the rapidly rising incidence of leukemia in children. In the latest year we have numbers for, new cases in the U.S. jumped 27 percent. In one year!Where the hell did that research come from? I suppose those numbers can't be explained by, oh, I don't know, stuff like chemical exposure, high tension power lines, genetic mutation/translocation, or parental exposure to known carcinogens. If estrogens were a cause for "childhood leukemia" (I think he means A.L.L., not that a right-wing nutter with more conspiracy theories than IQ points would know enough to differentiate), wouldn't we be seeing spikes in occurance in women, especially ones under hormone replacement therapy? Which would, of course, make massive media noise, not be limited to one knuckle-dragger's homophobic logic-phobic website. *deep breath* Erm. Sorry. The stupidity hurts, that's all. Especially on a touchy topic like cancer causatives. I needed a grand little rant today. Good find, man, good find. |
