Flaming Chords

This is my front page. All comments here are screened; if you don't have my email address, you can drop me a line here. If I know your email address, I'll reply by email -- if not, I'll reply to your comment, and then rescreen both your comment and my reply.

It's also got every tag I have -- this is because my current LJ style doesn't include a tag index. (At least half of my participation on LJ is on my Treo. I chose this style because it loads quickly and it's still readable on a small screen.)

I'd tell you more about myself, but that's what my profile -- and the rest of my journal -- are for.

Dear LJ Abuse,

I just noticed, as I was reading through my posts on a certain hack author, that you've changed your code to display the names of suspended journals. I actually have a journal that has been suspended by you guys, so this alarms me. What used to be displayed as manny_fic is now displayed as manny_fic.

Now, I'm not disputing the suspension. I made that journal for cheap laughs, to make fun of a certain hack author, and she claimed copyright infringement. The only way you could have established that I wasn't ripping off her work was to read her book, and believe me, I wouldn't wish that on anyone who isn't currently in the White House. Granted, I couldn't have ripped her off, but I don't expect you to believe that I never even read her book. (Honestly, it's bad enough I wrote that garbage, and mine was less than twenty pages. If you think for one moment I should read a thousand more pages of that bilge, you expect far too much.) Believe me, I understand the suspension. I'm not angry about that.

What I am angry about is the cavalier way you took away my strikethrough. Couldn't you have left it the way it was? Or failing that, you could have changed it to manny_fic or manny_fic... but nooooo! You had to change it to bold, as if you're pretending that there never was a suspension at all!

Well, I'm not going away that easily. I earned that strikethrough, dammit! Granted, it wasn't difficult, but I did it, and that strikethrough was mine, and I resent the fuck out of you for taking it away from me! Go die in a fire, you assfaces!

Sincerely,
flamingchords

(The truth is, I know that you did this when you started suspending people who drew explicit underage Snarry art, probably in response to people screaming "Strikethough '07" as a battle cry. In the fine tradition of wanky LJers everywhere, I still insist that this is all about me. Me, me, me, dammit!)

On page 206, Luna Lovegood masquerades as a boy. She's allergic to Polyjuice Potion, so she has to do it the traditional way: with a haircut and boy's clothing. She does it quite well, actually -- she turns out to be a very gifted spy. (Remember this. It becomes important later.)

On page 415, Harry and Ron discover vodka. This leads to discomforting confessions on page 417, a kiss on page 418... and let's just say the slashers are really going to like pages 419 and 420.

On page 478, Cedric Diggory comes back as an Inferi. (Shouldn't that be "inferus?" Ah, well.) His first victim is Chancery Stone (page 481), and then Bill Weasley (page 482). Then, Bellatrix raises Bill (also as an Inferi), and proves to us all that she's a slasher at heart. Either that, or true buttsecks love never dies.

Lupin is evil, and has been all along. He Imperio'ed Snape into killing Dumbledore in the previous book -- it says so on page 547. Some people and their grudges, huh? He Avada Kedavras Fred and George (page 551), and then Molly Crucios him to death (pages 552-557).

On page 602, Voldemort releases his most fearsome weapon yet: the angsty poet.

"From the knowing is where I begin from the details which become the vague of the dreams as they are written before me. As it was the setting is the most vivid of this being — it was a church similar to the one called Willowcreek in South Barrington, Illinois. In knowing of mind as becoming in the demise of faith within illness that is without the healing. Prior of the years becoming from the sleeping thoughts and the mind where the body rests while the mind of the unsound is the still active. In silence of the thoughts as they become..."

Arthur and Molly are saved from this horror of horrors just in the nick of time by a Twee Faewie Pwincess who happens to be a Coloratura Soprano with a five octave range. (She sings, which makes the angsty poet's head explode on page 608.)

On page 642, Fenrir Greyback bites a tiger, turning it into a weretiger. Or a werewolftiger. Or something. Anyway, this weretigerwolf goes on a rampage, but strangely enough only attacks men. In fact, when it bites Luna Lovegood, it starts foaming at the mouth, and in a desperate bid to wash the taste of female out of its mouth, it ends up overdosing fatally on mouthwash on page 666.

Oh, and Harry dies on the last page. His scar jumps off his forehead and eats him. And yes, the final word in the story is indeed "scar."