Flaming Chords

This is my front page. All comments here are screened; if you don't have my email address, you can drop me a line here. If I know your email address, I'll reply by email -- if not, I'll reply to your comment, and then rescreen both your comment and my reply.

It's also got every tag I have -- this is because my current LJ style doesn't include a tag index. (At least half of my participation on LJ is on my Treo. I chose this style because it loads quickly and it's still readable on a small screen.)

I'd tell you more about myself, but that's what my profile -- and the rest of my journal -- are for.

Well, actually, he's gone!

Oh, Cuthwald theferrett.

Details here.

A while back, I went to a science fiction convention, and had a lot of fun. In addition to having a lot of fun, though, I noticed that a distinct mood. Men were on their best behavior, with respect to avoiding not only harassment, but the appearance of harassment. Women, in general, seemed to feel safer... or if not safer, at least more able to voice complaints if the need came up.

Granted, I didn't believe that this was a renaissance or anything. This convention was a bit over a month after the Open Source Boob Project exploded all over the internet, and the fireworks were still fresh in our minds. I'm sure that some of the guys were not so much enlightened, but more conscious of the risk of being the next barbequed Ferrett.

Well, it seems that barbequed Ferrett has a very short shelf-life, because the whole damned subject is raising its ugly head again.

Way to go, douche-funnels.

A while back, the internet was set on fire by a spectacular bit of ass-haberdashery known as the Open Source Boob Project. Since this originally happened at a con, I guess it's no surprise that the impact is being felt at subsequent cons.

I attended a panel on Fanboy Etiquette, mostly to see if someone would bring theferrett up. Sure enough, someone did. Well, almost. Someone brought up this incident they read about on the internet, and didn't get a chance to describe it in any more detail than that -- and in a room of about twenty-five people, at least fifteen groaned all at once. The moderator dealt with this issue as quickly as possible, told us that asking to touch some random girl's boobs is a bad idea, and then changed the subject. It wasn't that she felt the subject deserved no attention -- she gave it attention -- but this was a panel on Fanboy Etiquette, not a Weasel Roast.

After this panel, I ran into a friend. I mentioned that I'd just been in that panel, and I went mostly to see if a certain incident would be mentioned. The next bit of the conversation went something like this:

caprine: "The ferrett?"
'chords: "The ferrett."
caprine: "Boobs?"
'chords: "Boobs."
caprine: "Yeah."
'chords: "Uh huh."

(Both of us are fully capable of complete sentences, but you'll notice that neither of us needed them; each of us just knew.)

I also saw quite a few women with shirts that said things like "they're not going to talk to you," "my eyes are up there," and "these aren't the boobs you're looking for." I commented that I liked these shirts, and at least half of them thanked me, grinned, and mentioned "that guy online."

As far as I can tell, the guys at this convention behaved themselves. I choose to believe that all it took was a really bad example to educate a lot of people. It's possible, though, that for some, the motivation was fear of being the next dumbass to be barbecued.

(Admittedly, a few women did not. On a handful of occasions, I was slightly annoyed at the time, and permitted myself a sly grin once either I, or the lady in question with the wandering hands, walked away. But this is how I choose to react. It no way diminishes the rights of women to react to being manhandled differently from how I react. Nor the rights of other men -- one guy on my list (who shall remain anonymous, unless you're on his list, or he chooses to name himself here) was less than pleased by people groping him, and made a point of saying so.)

So, a couple of years ago, Harlan Ellison groped Connie Willis onstage at WorldCon. All Hell broke loose, and Harlan got tarred and feathered in the fan community.

One year ago, random groping was enough of a problem at BayCon that someone came up with a system of colored dots to try to counter it. At the time, I thought it worked -- I wanted to believe that the gropers were not dangerous so much as completely fucking clueless, and that after the first person whacked them with a clue-by-four, they'd learn. I've since learned that it wasn't entirely successful, and had some nasty side-effects.

And this year, that fiasco with the Weasel. Again, lots of tar and lots of feathers.

This has always been a touchy (sorry, sorry) issue. Now, it looks like a powderkeg. The next stupid bastard who lays a hand on a lady at a convention without explicit permission is probably going to lose that hand.

In possibly related -- though I hope not -- news, in about a month, I'll be going to BayCon. I can't help wondering if I should keep my ear a lot closer to the ground this time. I've never led an internet lynch mob before -- maybe this will be my big chance?

Nah. Chances are I'll learn about it the same time the rest of you do -- when someone with faster fingers posts it, and it starts spreading like crabs at a frat-house. Besides, as much fun as internet lynch mobs are, I personally prefer prevention. I wonder if it's too late to suggest an addition to the newsletter?

WARNING: IF YOU GROPE SOMEONE UNINVITED, YOU RISK BEING YELLED AT, SLAPPED, PUNCHED, SLUGGED, KARATE-CHOPPED, THROWN INTO A WALL, KICKED IN THE NUTS, AND/OR HAVING THE WHOLE DAMNED INTERNET KNOW THAT YOU'VE GOT WANDERING HANDS AND NO RESPECT FOR OTHER PEOPLE. YOU WILL ALSO LIKELY HAVE EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER WRITTEN ONLINE PICKED OVER WITH A FINE-TOOTHED COMB IN SEARCH OF FURTHER EVIDENCE OF YOUR ASS-HABERDASHERY, MOSTLY BY WOMEN WHO ARE SICK AND TIRED OF NOT FEELING SAFE AT CONVENTIONS BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU!

SCARY, HUH? LUCKILY, YOU CAN NEATLY SIDESTEP ALL OF THESE HAZARDS BY KEEPING YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF, UNLESS YOU'VE BEEN INVITED. AND DON'T TAKE INVITATIONS ANY FURTHER THAN THEY WERE INTENDED; FOR INSTANCE, A LADY WHO CONSENTS TO A HUG IS NOT NECESSARILY CONSENTING TO HAVING HER ASS PINCHED AS LONG AS YOUR HANDS ARE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, SO DON'T TRY IT!

PERSONAL SPACE, MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK IT?

Probably a little too harsh for newsletter. Maybe just a leaflet independent of the newsletter? Hell, maybe I could just print out a few hundred of them at Kinko's or something, and leave them in places where they'll be picked up. The table with all the other flyers, for instance.

And maybe in small print, include the URLs for the sites describing previous tarrings and featherings.

Dear theferret, spelled with one T on the end,

Firstly, may I congratulate you on both knowing how to spell the word "ferret" correctly, and your most fortunate timing. Clearly you were the first person to get an LJ named "the ferret," and as a result you got first dibs on the correct spelling. This forced people who came after you who also wanted to be known as "the ferret" to go with extra underscores, numbers tacked on the end, or creative spellings. (Tacking an extra T on the end, for example.) But hey, that's their problem.

Well, usually.

Secondly, oops. Fixed now. Judging from your userinfo, it's a common misunderstanding, but I'm not claiming that as an excuse. I goofed.

Sorry about that.

Sincerely,
flamingchords

---

Dear everyone else,

Since a lot of you are out to invite theferrett (spelled with two Ts on the end) to a barbeque, you should be very careful with the spelling. Yes, I know. Your mental spellchecker automatically spelled "ferret" with one T, i.e. correctly. I made the same mistake, and fixed it as soon as I was aware I'd made it.

Just be careful, is all I'm saying. We've already broken out the tar and feathers. Let's not hit innocent bystanders with the tar, okay?

Sincerely,
flamingchords

Dear theferrett,

In the time I've been sexually active, I've touched a lot of women's breasts. And, well, other places. Would you like to hear my secret? Would you? Wouldja, wouldja, wouldja?

Of course you would -- you would never have come up with the Open-Source Boob Project otherwise.

In general, I try to be worthy of the honor. I have good social skills, at least sometimes. I recognize that women have standards, and I try to live up to them. But perhaps most importantly, I try to be a fuckin' gentleman. This means, among other things, that I do not assume that I have an inherent right to touch women's bodies, especially in their intimate places. I recognize that a woman's body belongs to her, and only her, and that she may share it on whatever terms she deems fit. Little things like respect. You'd be amazed at how far they get you.

In short, I'm allowed to touch some -- I repeat: some! -- women's bodies, including their breasts, in part because I am nothing like you!

You've edited your post a few times, so you appear to be teachable at least, but merciful fucking Christ!

Sincerely,
flamingchords

PS: Welcome to fandom wanked. Population: you.