Flaming Chords

This is my front page. All comments here are screened; if you don't have my email address, you can drop me a line here. If I know your email address, I'll reply by email -- if not, I'll reply to your comment, and then rescreen both your comment and my reply.

It's also got every tag I have -- this is because my current LJ style doesn't include a tag index. (At least half of my participation on LJ is on my Treo. I chose this style because it loads quickly and it's still readable on a small screen.)

I'd tell you more about myself, but that's what my profile -- and the rest of my journal -- are for.

Recently, a friend mentioned the Aleister Crowley poem "Leah Sublime" (NSFW!) in her LJ. One of her friends replied, "I dare you to rewrite that poem in Nicky style." And then, she passed the dare on to me, and this piece of crap practically wrote itself.

I don't expect you to read it. Along with being really disgusting, like the original, it includes a lot of whining, bitching, and homophobia, like everything Nickolaus Pacione has ever written.

(For ease of reading, I have kept the spelling and typing clean, and imposed a few paragraph breaks here and there. In all other respects, I've tried to be true to his... ahem, writing style, which is usually a vomited stream of words in combinations that rarely make any damned sense.)


Leah's Exuberant Garden of Unearthly Delights

Leah Sublime of the words of the images of the goddess as she stands above me like a slimy snake that I command that she love me in the name of Alostrael of the mummies of Egypt. For I am truly damned, and you are damned with me, and the devil masters us and bids us pleasures of the sins of the flesh.

Stomp on my heart with your patent leather shoe, and crush my heart like all those posers crush my dreams of being paid for my writing. Write your name on my heart and claim it for your own, like those insignificant cocksuckers who claim the rights to my writing.

( Read more... or better yet, don't. )

One last post for today, and then I have a life to get back to.

LJ Abuse has concluded, after no doubt considerable debate, that Nicky-boy is a public figure. This means, among other things, that if you feel compelled to mention the name "Nickolaus Pacione" in your LJ, Nicky-boy can't complain to LJ Abuse just because you mentioned his name. Well, he can, but LJ Abuse will no longer threated to suspend your journal over it. Let the mocking begin!

Well, no. The mocking has been going on for years, and he's deserved every bit of it. But "let the mocking continue unhindered" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

(As I understand it. LJ Abuse generally takes a dim view of people posting personal information about people, and this includes given names. They simply don't apply this rule to people who use their own names publicly if they are "public figures," and Nicky-boy apparently now qualifies as such.)

The post in which this is discussed is here. Many kudos to tjcrowley for having fought for this small victory. I have already favorited it, and I expect I am only one of many who have done so, or will do so.

On page 206, Luna Lovegood masquerades as a boy. She's allergic to Polyjuice Potion, so she has to do it the traditional way: with a haircut and boy's clothing. She does it quite well, actually -- she turns out to be a very gifted spy. (Remember this. It becomes important later.)

On page 415, Harry and Ron discover vodka. This leads to discomforting confessions on page 417, a kiss on page 418... and let's just say the slashers are really going to like pages 419 and 420.

On page 478, Cedric Diggory comes back as an Inferi. (Shouldn't that be "inferus?" Ah, well.) His first victim is Chancery Stone (page 481), and then Bill Weasley (page 482). Then, Bellatrix raises Bill (also as an Inferi), and proves to us all that she's a slasher at heart. Either that, or true buttsecks love never dies.

Lupin is evil, and has been all along. He Imperio'ed Snape into killing Dumbledore in the previous book -- it says so on page 547. Some people and their grudges, huh? He Avada Kedavras Fred and George (page 551), and then Molly Crucios him to death (pages 552-557).

On page 602, Voldemort releases his most fearsome weapon yet: the angsty poet.

"From the knowing is where I begin from the details which become the vague of the dreams as they are written before me. As it was the setting is the most vivid of this being — it was a church similar to the one called Willowcreek in South Barrington, Illinois. In knowing of mind as becoming in the demise of faith within illness that is without the healing. Prior of the years becoming from the sleeping thoughts and the mind where the body rests while the mind of the unsound is the still active. In silence of the thoughts as they become..."

Arthur and Molly are saved from this horror of horrors just in the nick of time by a Twee Faewie Pwincess who happens to be a Coloratura Soprano with a five octave range. (She sings, which makes the angsty poet's head explode on page 608.)

On page 642, Fenrir Greyback bites a tiger, turning it into a weretiger. Or a werewolftiger. Or something. Anyway, this weretigerwolf goes on a rampage, but strangely enough only attacks men. In fact, when it bites Luna Lovegood, it starts foaming at the mouth, and in a desperate bid to wash the taste of female out of its mouth, it ends up overdosing fatally on mouthwash on page 666.

Oh, and Harry dies on the last page. His scar jumps off his forehead and eats him. And yes, the final word in the story is indeed "scar."

I just did an LJSeek on the internet's favorite wonder-goth, Nikolaus Pacione, out of morbid curiosity, and I discovered a lot of interesting things.

• There was once an LJ comm called i_hate_peaches, a comm devoted to bashing him. ("Peaches" is a nickname that cussedness has given to Nicky. Apparently, it's stuck.) Sadly, it ain't there anymore. Damn you, LJ Abuse! KHAAAAAAN!!! DAAAAAAMN YOU!!!
  
  
• Once upon a time, I posted a haiku in nickolaus_feed, as a spur-of-the-moment throw-away joke. I've since discovered that ms_daisy_cutter collects quotes she finds on the internet, and included my haiku in one of her quote posts. Considering the quality of the other quotes in that post, I think she gives me too much credit, but hey, I'm not complaining! (To ms_daisy_cutter: if you're wondering why I've friended you, it's between your quote collecting and your recent posts on Falwell. The NSFW image of Falwell and Tinky-Winky, especially!)
  
  
• We all know what "internet lawyers" are, right? Well, how about internet court?"
  
  
• No matter how unusual or controversial a figure is, someone on LJ is playing that figure for laughs. Two adorable little blond girls singing the praises of racial purity? Check. A pasty neo-nazi goth-boy black-metaller who's currently in prison for stabbing another black-metaller to death? Check. A retarded chimpanzee in the White House? Check. A small pathetic man who recently gunned down a bunch of college students? Check and mate.
  
  I decided to look up a few other names, just out of curiosity. I found a Japanese cult leader whose LJ, oddly enough, is in Russian. I also found a German dictator with a bad mustache, though his LJ has been suspended. Oh, and a psycho Cambodian.
  
  (And I'm half-tempted to join friendlytrolls, but I go through troll-patches too quickly as it is.)
  
  
• Nicky has his own holiday. Woot! (For those of you who read Two Lumps or Flem, flemco is the guy who draws them.) I'm not normally homophobic, but on August 25th, I might be willing to fake it in observance of this most significant holiday. Hell, I may even make a filksong of it.
  
  (The lyrics under the following cut are kinda harsh -- they are written from Nicky's POV, and he is a hard-core homophobe. Think twice before you click. If you decide you want to read, try to picture it with rapidly changing images.)
  
  ( Abandon all good taste, all ye who enter here... )

Sorry. Ahem.

Okay, for those of you who don't know... Nickolaus Paccione is a Gawth who fancies himself a writer. He claims to be published, but all I can find is dead links. But let's let that go for a moment. I'm not bringing you a new writer to read: I'm bringing you rich, creamy drama. The real fun part about his is watching him deal with his fans. You see, he's pissed a lot of people off. Lots and LOTS of people.

Explaining Nicky is going to be difficult, but here's my best effort. Some of you may remember that, a while ago, I got into a pissing match with a woman who wrote a thousand-page book of gay incestuous rapefic, and I had a few... ahem, harsh things to say about her. By comparison, Nicky has made me see for the first time that this woman actually has something resembling wit.

But read on, for he knows how to put his detractors in their place. (All quotes are taken directly from his comments in nickolaus_feed, without editing.)

"Piss off -- do you suck your mother's cock with that mouth."

"You got my damn response already you fucken moron. Do I need to even justify explaining myself to you junior."

"Shut up already you're little rants are making me sick, you're half my age and you have no respect for your elders."

"And your still a cunt."

"Dumbass, that post above is my rebuttal. I guess you are still an asshole who is quicker to piss on my name than any other person in the Chicago Gothic community. If you think I will be chased off of that community, keep dreaming bitch."

He doesn't know how to use question marks, can't tell "your" from "you're," and his sentence structure is painful. And yet, he claims to be published. Vanity press, no doubt.

It's okay. He's fun to watch, anyway.