This is my front page. All comments here are screened; if you don't have my email address, you can drop me a line here. If I know your email address, I'll reply by email -- if not, I'll reply to your comment, and then rescreen both your comment and my reply.
It's also got every tag I have -- this is because my current LJ style doesn't include a tag index. (At least half of my participation on LJ is on my Treo. I chose this style because it loads quickly and it's still readable on a small screen.)
I'd tell you more about myself, but that's what my profile -- and the rest of my journal -- are for.
Firstly, I would like to claim that I don't "believe" in Seasonal Affective Disorder. That said, I don't "believe" in ghosts, either, but while my beliefs don't include ghosts, my experience does, so my beliefs can take a running jump off a pier in this instance. So it is with the month-long mood swing I've just started.
It doesn't help that I've been reading a lot of anger-creating news. What the fuck, Catholic Church?
So! I'm going to post some happy-making stuff.
Stolen from naamah_darling: this is kitten with jazz hands. This is you, dead from cute.
Stolen from crackpig: The scene on the outskirts of Mos Eisley Spaceport, redubbed. The voice is Peter Serafinowicz, who does a variety of voices frighteningly well, and is a very funny dude.
Not stolen at all: A slightly NSFW dance to the song "Christmas Eve Sarajevo" by TSO, longtime purveyor of Christmas music that (unlike nearly all other Christmas music) doesn't blow goats. I don't remember for sure, but I think I found this in the related videos for that post I did a while back with Ms. Felix Cane (slightly NSFW) and Mr. Eike von Stuckenbrok (slightly more NSFW).
In an article about Varg Vikernes and his likely sexual exploits while in prison, I saw an ad with a fit, shirtless black dude, labeled "Gay Evony Dating! Join 100% Free!" This amused me lots. After all, Evony has plastered suggestive pictures of women all over the place to try to draw male customers, so I guess it's only fair that they try to attract women (and gay men) as well. Then I looked again. It said Gay Ebony Dating. Ebony. With a B. In the words of Gilda Radner, playing Emily Litella, "why that's lovely! Never mind!"
Also taken from metalsucks.net, an extremely NSFW music video. Normally, I ignore the pornogrind subgenre because, well, to be frank, the entire subgenre is complete rubbish. Still, this video is hilarious. It involves a little gratuitous nudity and about a gallon of Jergen's hand lotion being sprayed all over various mundane objects, and as silly and puerile as it is, it makes me burst into hysterics every time I see it.
Also taken from metalsucks.net, a guide to death metal vocals. Not that I recommend actually doing death metal vocals yourself, though -- they tend to damage your throat unless you've got a whole lot of vocal training, and sometimes even then. But the video is amusing to watch.
Stolen from verious flash sites: have some noisy cats! And here, have some more noisy cats! And just in case you're not a cat person, have some noisy foxes! Then, have some NSFW toons featuring Blue, from a cartoon called Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. (All I know about this cartoon is that it had a hand in Rickrolling the whole damned country a year ago. I've not seen even one episode beyond that.) He sings in one, and gets laid in the other.
Swiped from gymrats: pectoral muscles are not supposed to look like this. Granted, his trapezius muscles also look seriously deformed, but it's his chest that looks the most seriously fucked-up. Dude looks like he's got breast implants. Big ones. Worse, he looks like Captain America, as drawn by Rob Liefeld. This is what Synthol can do to you, kids.
And finally, "borrowed" from two gay friends who posted it (neither of whom knows the other from Adam), the latest Betty Bowers, wherein she knocks the Mormon anti-gay coalition down a few hundred pegs. As usual, she's brilliant.
This bit of filk is dedicated to the most hardcore of the hardcore anime fans -- the ones who watch it for ten hours a day and think that watching it makes them an authority on Japanese culture. The ones whose devotion to Japanese cartoons overpowers all other concerns, like nutrition or basic hygiene. The ones who... ah, you know what I mean. The original song can be found here, but if you haven't heard it before, what rock have you been hiding under, really?
Turning Wapanese
I've got some manga! You'll like it too! I've got some manga! To share with you! I watch it every day, I've nothing else to do!
I buy my manga! Right here in town! I've got more manga! Can't put it down! I wank and read it when there's no one else around!
I've got some manga! I've got some manga! There's lots of manga here on all of my shelves! I've got some manga! I've got some manga! And lots of anime dvds as well!
I'm saying nan-deo and nan-des'ka and baka-baka-baka-baka...
Chorus: Turning wapanese, I think I'm turning wapanese, I really think so! Turning wapanese, I think I'm turning wapanese, I really think so! Turning wapanese, I think I'm turning wapanese, I really think so! Turning wapanese, I think I'm turning wapanese, I really think so!
I want to see the! Vending machines there! For the pocky and used undies they sell! I've got stale pretzels! I've got stale pretzels! But when you cover them with chocolate they're swell!
I'm saying nan-deo and nan-des'ka and baka-baka-baka-baka...
Chorus: Turning wapanese, I think I'm turning wapanese, I really think so! Turning wapanese, I think I'm turning wapanese, I really think so! Turning wapanese, I think I'm turning wapanese, I really think so! Turning wapanese, I think I'm turning wapanese, I really think so!
No sex, no job, no life, no sunlight, No fun, just me in mom's cellar, no wonder I'm dull. Everyone around me sees my chibi boner. Everyone avoids me and my body odor. Everyone. That's why I'm --
Chorus: Turning wapanese, I think I'm turning wapanese, I really think so! Turning wapanese, I think I'm turning wapanese, I really think so! Turning wapanese, I think I'm turning wapanese, I really think so! Turning wapanese, I think I'm turning wapanese, I really think so!
A few of you here may be familiar with a pair of evil filksters named Jeff and Maya Bohnhoff. For those of you who aren't, the two of them are responsible for some really hilarious songs, like a song about Iron Chef called "The Night Kaga Brought the Lutefisk Down" to the tune of "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down," a song about a crossdresser in the King's service called "Knights in White Satin," and a song that started out as "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears but was all about Pinky and the Brain by the time they were done with it.
(Their two filk CDs are Retro Rocket Science and Aliens Ate My Homework. They have other CDs that, while very good, aren't filk.)
At a guess, only a few of you have heard them... and of those few, even less are going to start randomly entertaining questions like "what if the Bohnhoffs had gone into progressive rock instead of filk?" If you are one of those two or three, a prog-rock Bohnhoff duo would sound a lot like Illumion.
And if you're not, Illumion is still good. A little tame for my usual listening habits, but still, quite good.
So, a friend of mine (who shall remain unnamed, unless she cares to comment here) found herself the owner of two tickets to an opera, and didn't want to go by herself. As a result of this, I recently got my first taste: Il trittico, by Giacomo Puccini.
(Unless you've lived under a rock, you've heard Puccini. Trust me.)
It was amazing. The hall itself was a marvel of engineering -- everything you've ever heard about the acoustics in great theaters is absolutely true. Despite being over a hundred feet away from the stage (and the orchestra pit below it), I could hear every note clearly, and there wasn't a microphone or a speaker to be seen. In the second of the three acts, there were several ailing children onstage; the sounds of their crutches making contact with the floor, and the wheels of their IV stands clattering on the floor, were all clearly audible. In the third act, in which several people are rummaging through papers to find a will, I could hear paper rustling.
The lyrics were all in Italian, but for the benefit of those of us who don't speak Italian, there was a screen above the stage, about ten feet tall and sixty feet wide at a guess. As the actors sang, the translated lyrics were projected on this screen. A nice touch, that. I don't know if all opera houses do this, but I can hope, right?
Anyway, the opera itself was three separate plays, each told in a single act, and all of them were wonderful. The first, "The Cloak," is about a married woman who takes a lover, and it ends in a murder. The second, "Sister Angelica," is about a nun who discovers that the child she birthed before going to the nunnery (and hasn't seen since) died at the age of five, and it ends with her suicide. The third, "Johnny Skeevy," is about a bunch of people who engage a swindler to forge a will, and it's hilarious.
(These three plays are frequently performed separately. Puccini never liked this -- he felt that they all belonged together, despite having nothing in common thematically. I'm inclined to agree with him. They all just seem to fit.)
Anyway, I has half-worried that I'd be bored to tears at the opera, despite the fact that seeing an opera was on my list of things I want to do at least once before I die. I was also half-expecting to be completely confused, like Spike Jones going into Pagliacci expecting a western, and then being surprised to see a fat guy in a clown suit onstage. (You can hear that tale here. It's amusing.) Anyway, it turned out these fears were needless.
If I'd tried to go to an opera at the age of twenty, I'm sure I would have hated it. As it is, I was not only well-entertained, but enchanted. At the end of each play, the performers all came onstage and took their bows -- I suspect that they do this partly to get some well-earned applause, but also to gently bring their audience back down to Earth.
Opera is not a cheap habit to get into, and I don't expect to be able to go very often... but I am very glad I got to go this one time.
This is the last two songs from Carmina Burana. (Actually, it's the last four songs, but it's the last two I want to inflict on you.) The very last one you've heard -- the one before it, probably not unless you own a copy of the opera.
A long time ago, I posted this guide to classical music you already know, even if you think you don't. I'd meant to follow that up, even make a whole series of posts like that, but kept shoving it to back burner. Anyway, I'm just now getting back to it, and I need to raise the tone of my LJ since my past public post was links to really bad porn snippets, so here are excerpts from three operas I can probably guarantee you've heard.
First, one you've probably (hopefully!) known since you were six years old, at least in the United States: Overture, from The Barber of Seville by Gioachino Rossini. You're familiar with Bugs Bunny, aren't you? You've seen him and Elmer Fudd mix it up on the opera stage in a barber shop? This piece got beautifully mangled in that cartoon, and mangled considerably less beautifully in many cartoons since.
Next: Un bel dì vedremo (One beautiful day, we will see), from Madama Butterfly by Giacomo Puccini. With this one, it's possible that you've only heard the first couple of bars, but oh, what a first couple of bars! The whole song is worth hearing -- in fact, it swells as it goes on. If you have the patience, the whole damned opera is worth hearing, too.
Last, Vesti la giubba (Wear the costume), from Pagliacci by Ruggero Leoncavallo. As with Un bel dì, this one has one especially famous line in it, and it's been heard everywhere. I remember an episode of one of the Batman cartoons in which Penguin attended this opera and sang along (horribly). This one line starts about 2:00 in.
Once upon a time, I was really enamored of satellite radio. Not enamored enough to subscribe to it myself, mind, but it seemed like such a huge improvement over AM/FM. When customers asked me about Sirius, I used to describe it as being "a lot like regular radio, if regular radio didn't suck." I was impressed by the metal station, which regularly managed to come up with bands I'd never heard, and by the classical stations, which actually played the Eighth Symphony by Shostakovich. (The Eighth is excellent, but it's dark and depressing, and not exactly radio-friendly.) Even the pop stations managed to surprise me, frequently in good ways. And best of all, even individual stations had a lot of variety, unlike AM/FM stations which each tend to pick about fifteen songs and play them over and over and over. (Fuck you very much, ClearChannel.)
Then, Sirius and XM merged. Then, a while later, we were given a new list of approved radio stations at work. Then, satellite radio -- at least, this one approved station -- started blowing goats with great enthusiasm.
In related news, a rant.
I'm sick of that stupid "gives you hell, it gives you hell, it gives you hell" song. I'm sick of the Fray, and their whiny-ass "how to save a life" song, and all their other equally-whiny-ass songs. I'm sick of how O.A.R. can "always turn the car around." I'm sick of that one Three Doors Down song, asking "will you let me be myself," which I've also come to associate with breathtakingly stupid car insurance ads. I'm sick of Avril Lavigne.
"I would like to see the whiny bitch decapitated! It would give me joy to see the brat defenestrated! And she whines, and she wails, and she moans, and she groans, and her lyrics are total shit, and I wonder how the hell she got so fucking overrated!"
I'm sick of hearing each of these songs at work every day, every three or four hours. I'm even sick of Pink, and considering how much I liked the song "Sober" before our satellite station drove it into the ground, that's saying a lot.
But most of all, I'm sick of Katy Perry. "I kissed a girl, and I liked it!" Yeah, whatever. Jill Sobule also kissed a girl once, and she has more talent in her pinky than Katy Perry will ever possess. You want edgy? I'd be more impressed if a band like Pansy Division performed it -- that would turn some heads, and get people talking! Or, if you'd rather not give heteronormativity the small victory of having gay guys singing about kissing girls and liking it, we could write a gay version in the opposite direction:
"I fucked a dude, and I liked it. He was tall, dark, strong and hairy. I fucked a dude, and I liked it. He was better than Katy Perry..."
We could get a band with a bisexual frontman, like Green Day, to perform it. Or maybe David Bowie might be willing to sing it. That would be awesome!
It's not that I have anything against bisexuals, or screwing outside one's orientation. Believe me, I don't, and I'd be a gigantic hypocrite if I did. It's just that the song is so fucking bad. She tries so hard to be "daring" and "edgy," and in truth she's about as edgy as two cute drunk chicks kissing in front of a horde of drunk cheering fratboys.
On the other hand, the power metal version of the song is pretty damned amusing, and it's a huge improvement over the original. (Thank you, matrexius.)
(None of the links in this post are safe for work.)
This is FurTV. It's a show that gets played on MTV in the UK. It's fun, but made completely out of wrong. Try to imagine an even more demented version of Meet the Feebles, and you've got a good idea what FurTV is like.
This and this are two performances of Millie Jackson's "Phuck U Symphony in F minor." Well, actually, it's just called the "Phuck U Symphony." I added the F minor part.
This is an episode of Ask Alexyss, an advice column. In this episode, she goes in depth into male hygiene. In graphic depth. In really graphic depth. In really disgusting graphic depth.
(The first link was stolen from Sensible Erection. The latter two were stolen from ms_daisy_cutter.)
You realize, of course, that he's not really dead. We'll be hearing of Michael Jackson sightings for years to come, and he'll be making regular appearances in tabloids. It'll be the new century's Elvis sighting.
"I saw Michael Jackson at an IHOP!"
"I saw Michael Jackson at Graceland!"
"I saw Michael Jackson at a strip mall!"
"I saw Michael Jackson at the San Francisco Zoo!"
"Oh, yeah? Well I saw Michael Jackson at an elementary school!"
A lot of really bad music is well-known, and at times, impossible to escape completely. A lot of really good music isn't very well-known, and would probably sell a lot better if more people got a chance to hear it. I'm just doing my tiny part for four bands that I think deserve more attention than they have. All of these bands are technically metal, but they all push the boundaries of that genre.
All of these songs are presented as YouTube links. I know YouTube makes music piracy really easy, and I'm glad the songs are there, but if you like what you hear, these guys can use your support.
Katatonia was originally a death metal band, before vocalist Jonas Renkse developed throat issues. Then, he started singing, though perhaps not very well at first, and the band evolved into a more goth-rock sound, starting with Discouraged Ones. By the time they recorded Last Fair Deal Gone Down, the band was a jagged, angry, more violent answer to The Cure, and Jonas was starting to sound pretty good.
Swallow the Sun is... well, most people think of death metal as violent, angry, and overall ugly music. Usually, they're absolutely right, but Swallow the Sun is one of the exceptions. I feel very strange describing a death metal band's music as beautiful, or gorgeous, or transcendent -- but yet, every one of those words applies. This is not even remotely happy music. That said, it's currently one of my favorite bands.
Arcturus is the black metal band that isn't. Well, as far as I can tell, it was a collection of musicians, most with bands of their own, to get together and produce a lot of really weird, but really good stuff. It's not typical death metal -- for instance, only their first CD includes all that much gutteral howling. For that matter, it's not really typical anything. You'll either love it, or it'll annoy the crap out of you.
Eluveitie has really grown on me, as much as I'm not normally all that fond of folk metal. Normally, I dislike bagpipes, and absolutely detest the hurdy-gurdy, but this band makes them both work. This is the sort of metal band you'd expect to see at a Renaissance Faire, except that they'd outgeek everyone else there. You think speaking in thees and thous is period? Try singing some of your lyrics in Gaulish.
I took a lot of notes in my smartphone at BayCon, partly because I knew that I'd be drunk at the parties and thus unlikely to remember everything. Well, that's not entirely true. Let's face it, I was surrounded by geeks, and neat ideas were flying all over the place: good quotes, recommended books, tasty foods and drinks I haven't tried yet, the list goes on and on.
I've still got the codebreakers working on parts of my notes -- between sleep deprivation and intoxication, some of my notes are a little sloppy. Still, I captured a lot more than I would have without these notes. A few samples below:
Notes on Music:
I ended up chatting with about two or three people on music quite a bit. My notes here are a little fragmentary, but they're enough to summon more complete memories, or if not, I can punch them into Wikipedia and learn more. For instance, one of my notes was "helicopter quartet." This led me to the Helikopter-Streichquartett by Stockhausen, and then, "oh, yeah! That gent told me a lot about Stockhausen! I'm going to have to look that up!"
Some of the talk got very detailed, even arcane. You know how it's possible for engineers to completely geek out with each other, getting so technical that everyone who isn't also an engineer is completely left behind? Music theory can be just as bad. There was one chat with me, jon_decles, and one other gent whose name I don't remember, but I ended up chatting about Indian Music Theory with him last year -- and the three of us ended up driving all the non-music geeks off without realizing it.
Notes on Alcohol:
Noble fir vodka: I have no idea who came up with this, nor what possessed bovil to try it, but I'm very glad he tried it, and was then eager to share it.
Ginger liqueur (Koval, I think): Needed more ginger, but trust me to say that.
Caol Ila: this is one of the really smoky whiskeys -- it's a slightly lighter Talisker, for lack of a better way to describe it.
Ardbeg: For a moment, this one tastes really smooth and gentle. Then, it whacks you with a hammer and yells in your ear: "Ha ha, I'm smokier than Laphroaig!" Wonderful, wonderful stuff.
Glenmorangie: I tried a bunch of these at the Whiskey Brothers party. This was an education! All Glenmorangie is made by a single process, but aged differently -- a batch that's aged in barrels that were originally used for sherry is going to taste different from a batch aged in port barrels, and I took this as my chance to find out how. (They're all good, if way too mild for my tastes.)
Glen Kinchie: Very gentle. It's a little like Dalmore in how gentle it is, but it smells wonderful.
Vanilla Whiskey: apparently really damned popular. I shared this with several people, most of who really liked it. If I bring a hip-flask next year, this is what's going in it.
Notes on Food:
Edible flowers. Have never really gotten into them, but now I should. Violets are apparently criminally underrated.
Macapuno is a variety of fucked-up mutant coconut. Where most normal coconuts have crunchy meat and water inside, a macapuno has no water, and its meat is gelatinous. I've never heard of it, but thanks to caprine, I now need to find some, and then find a use for it. Apparently they're wicked good in ice cream. Terrific! I have a couple of friends with ice cream makers.
If farmount offers you chocolate... say yes, you idiot!
If elaryn offers you homemade toffee... say yes, you idiot!
I have music stuck in my head again. Or still. I'm not sure which. The good news? It's a very good song. The bad news? It's in Finnish, and I don't speak Finnish, so the lyrics are a bunch of beautiful-sounding nonsense syllables to me.
This song has been stuck in my head all day. It's likely to be blatantly offensive to people who have sticks up their asses, and the delivery, while vulgar, is just too damned cute for words. This combination is almost guaranteed to result in something that will bash its way into your head and never come out. This particular performance is made even more fun by lots of young gay vloggers hamming it up.
Oh, and check this out! The singer of this wonderful wonderful song, one Lily Allen, shows a nipple on The Friday Night Project! (Sorry, embedding is disabled.) Have I mentioned how much I love The Friday Night Project? Oh, wait, yes, I have. Well, lemme say it again!
A while back, I posted the video "Jizz In My Pants." Well, a few ladies saw it, and took it as a challenge. Well, sorta. It's a bit of viral marketing. Still, it beats NOM-NOM-NOM, right?
You've heard of Susan Boyle, haven't you? For those of you who haven't, she's a kinda grandmotherish-looking lady who went on Britain's Got Talent, allowed the audience to roll their eyes dismissively... and then shocked the hell out of everyone by actually having pipes. Kinda heartwarming, actually.
In Jerry Springer: the Opera, Alison Jiear just wanted to fuckin' dance. After the opera, though, she's not averse to some fast food, or at least singing about it. The lyrics are kinda terrible, and the scene with the cannon was stolen from Cher, but you've got to give the lady credit for pipes.
I first learned that Florence Henderson had a career and talents beyond The Brady Bunch on an episode (four minutes in) of the Muppets. She's also done the most twisted version of "When You're Good to Mama" from Chicago I've ever seen.
As fond as I am of Tarja Turunen (formerly of Nightwish), there needs to be a special provision in the Geneva Convention specifically barring her from performing Nirvana songs (one minute in). Likewise for Tori Amos. Come on, ladies. Both of you have more talent in your pinkies than Kurt showed his entire life! Why are you doing this? Why, God, Why?
For those of you unfamiliar, there's this thing called Jerry Springer: the Opera. Don't scowl at me like that -- while the subject matter is very trashy, the music is actually quite good. Anyway, I've owned the two-CD set for a while, but apparently now it's available on DVD! (Unfortunately, it's only available for Region 2. Even if I did persuade someone in the UK to send it my way, I'm in Region 1, and my computer will likely refuse to play it. Ah, well. I've been meaning to learn about torrents for a while now, and this seems a good excuse. Of course, I'd rather have a legitimate copy that will actually play in my equipment...!)
Anyway, some excerpts! These are not even remotely safe for work.
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