This is my front page. All comments here are screened; if you don't have my email address, you can drop me a line here. If I know your email address, I'll reply by email -- if not, I'll reply to your comment, and then rescreen both your comment and my reply.
It's also got every tag I have -- this is because my current LJ style doesn't include a tag index. (At least half of my participation on LJ is on my Treo. I chose this style because it loads quickly and it's still readable on a small screen.)
I'd tell you more about myself, but that's what my profile -- and the rest of my journal -- are for.
A while back, Sam and Dean Winchester (from the TV series Supernatural) discovered that there are quite a few girls out there who would love to see them fuck. Someday, they may discover this (NSFW!!!!1111), but I'm sure it will never make it on the show. Someday, Jared Padalecki (the actor as opposed to the character) may discover this LJ, in which case he'll probably have a bunch of discussions with a lawyer, followed by a bunch of stiff drinks.
(That link is to the LJ of a photoshopper. Behind that link, you'll find lots of shopped images of Sam, with head pasted on yay, cock pasted on yay, ginormous rectal prolapse pastede on yay, and plenty more worse things. Do not click that link. You have been warned.)
For those of you unfamiliar, Supernatural is a TV series about Sam and Dean Winchester, two brothers who deal with all kinds of supernatural stuff, like demons and crap. Since the actors who play Sam and Dean are conventionally attractive, they attract a following of fanfic writers, some of whom write stories about the two screwing a lot. In fact, in SPN fandom, it's common enough that they've had to come up with a name for it: wincest.
Well, if you've ever wondered what the writers of SPN think of wincest, just watch this. I'll be way over here, keeping an eye out for the fireworks.
This ad apparently debuted during the Superbowl, but I was at work, and we were swamped, so I didn't see it until later. The New Guy at work is terrified of this ad, and says that it not only makes him less inclined to use Hulu, but it makes him want to turn his TV off. (Oddly, he says he was an advertising major in college.) Me? I howled with laughter when I saw this.
Some ads are just plain awful.
Didn't the founder of Enzyte get locked up for twenty-five years a while back? And didn't the Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals have to pay out about half a billion dollars? Why, yes! Yes, they did! And didn't I wear my special gloating face when I saw this? Why, yes! Yes, I did (NSFW icon)!
Seems I gloated too soon. Smiling Bob and that obnoxious whistling are starting to appear on television again, and they're being joined by ads for other enhancement pills. "My girlfriend said I should try them!" Dude, if my girlfriend was broadly hinting that my dick is too small to do the job, I wouldn't be so eager to say so on TV...
Nearly two years ago, I typed up this post on those stupid "To Catch a Predator" TV shows. Among other things, they can be described as sensationalist fearmongering, and worst of all, they actually accomplish very damned little in the way of preventing children from being sexually exploited or abused, while pretending that they are the swift hand of justice protecting all our innocent children.
I'm not saying that all the guys they bagged are innocent, mind. If you show up at a strange house with booze and condoms and disrobe in the kitchen, believing that there's a small child awaiting you, you're not exactly innocent, and only a fool would argue otherwise unless it's in their job description -- and even if your defense attorney argues that you're innocent, he's tilting at windmills. It's just that internet predators represent a very small fraction of abuse cases -- most children who are sexually abused are abused by adults they know in real life, adults in a position of power or trust. You know, people like their parents, old friends of the family, priests...
So, a friend sent me an email with a link to this story, and I suddenly find I have four words for Chris Hansen, that assclown who's made a career out of trying to scare us: "MY BALLS, YOUR CHIN!"
Now, I'm not saying that parents can just let their young'uns go online without any kind of supervision or filtering. After all, if you don't talk to your children about goatse, to say nothing of jarsquatter, who will? I'm just saying that reports of millions upon millions of internet pedophile predators are exaggerated, mostly in the name of ratings.
No, not that kind, though I was tempted to scour YouTube for enzyte clips. No, in this case, I mean a surly asshole who rips various ad campaigns a lot of new orifices. Inspired by posts by ms_daisy_cutter and bites_the_sun...
"Fuck her. Fuck him. Oh, someone fuck someone!"
"What are you doing, going on about your taste in coffee? Just fuck her!"
"Look, if you don't fuck her, I'm gonna come round and fuck you."
"You consonant-vowel-consonant-consonant!"
(There are many more. Look up Charlie Brooker on youTube if you like this one.)
But this is me, so I'm still trying to keep the seriousness down to a minimum. Besides, I'm genuinely stunned. Saturday Night Live hasn't done anything even remotely clever in who knows how long, and then they pull a stunt like this! Wheee!
Have you seen all those ads for Viagra? Have you noticed that all the couples in those ads involve men in their fifties, with wives in their twenties or possibly thirties?
I can't be the only one who wants to see this convention turned on its ear. Maybe an ad for some sensual product for women, starring someone like Lynda Carter, or Ellen Burstyn, or Sally Kellerman -- a lady to whom the years have been kind, but there have obviously been plenty of them. (Lynda Carter is the youngest of the three, at 57.) Then it shows her starting to get frisky with a guy in his twenties, before the voiceover starts telling you what health issues you shouldn't have if you plan to take this drug.
Seriously, wouldn't that be an awesome ad? Wouldn't that kind of gender equality in media be great?
I'm totally not bringing this up because "cute younger man with hot older woman" is one of my kinks or anything...
Yes, I'm still a "new convert" for Doctor Who, with all the annoying "check this new thing out" every ten minutes that this normally implies. And yes, I think that Anne Robinson is an evil bitch, and I love her for it. So put the cast of Doctor Who on Anne Robinson's game show, and I can't help watching!
Don LaFontaine August 26, 1940 -- September 1, 2008
For those of you who don't know who Don LaFontaine is... you actually do know who he is; you just don't realize it. Have you ever seen a movie trailer with a deep, gravely voiceover, done by what has to be a seven-foot-tall man who's been smoking cigarettes since early childhood? All too often, beginning with the phrase "in a world...?"
Yyyep. Told ya you know who he was. He's done trailers for about five thousand movies. You almost have to have been under a rock your entire life not to have heard him.
Well, he died two days ago. A damned shame, that. In addition to having such a distinctive set of pipes, he had a wonderful sense of humor. And gods help me, I'm about to put one of those stupid GEICO ads in my LJ, just to prove it.
You'll be missed. You made "in a world" such an instant catchphrase that it became a joke, and then you had the grace to laugh with us about it.
...when every time you see or hear the name "Phelps" on television, your first impulse is to sigh and start wondering, "good lord, what has that hate-mongering twunt done this time, and how did he get to the Olympics?"
Oh, wait. Not Fred. That other Phelps. Never mind.
He does seem to get a lot of exposure, doesn't he? All those comments by newscasters on just how unusual his proportions are and how well-suited they are to swimming, by female anchors who are just shy of drooling. Not just girls, either. There's at least one thread on Facebook full of guys who want to #*%^ Phelps, complete with girls posting in it are being told "back off, bitch, this thread's for guys," and there are no doubt many more -- I only know of this one in particular because it appeared on Fandom Wank. (And that thread made it to Fandom Wank only because it turned into a massive argument, with godbothering, homophobia, and nazis. Now think for a moment of all the threads about him that aren't on Fandom Wank.)
It's probably a good thing he has to train so hard -- it keeps him from having too much time to fart around on the internet, and discovering just how obsessed some of his fans are. Too bad it doesn't stop at the internet. If I were Phelps, this ad for AT&T would have prompted me to have extra locks put on all my doors.
Well, that, and this movie. Fatal Attraction for a younger audience, and OMFG swimmers are teh hawt!
At work, I've gotten hooked on Doctor Who, and would very likely have gotten hooked on Torchwood, had the manager not ruled it a little hard for a retail environment. (For what it's worth, I hate to say it, but I agree.) As it is, I can't afford to drop the money on the DVDs. (Well, I can, but I shouldn't.) So, I go to YouTube, and the first thing I find is that a whole bunch of slashgirls hape posted a scene with Jack kissing Jack, and a whole bunch of idiot teenage boys labeled it offensive.
(A few of them pity poor John Barrowman, for having had to kiss a man on camera. Somehow, I don't think he minds. Heh he he he he...)
Aside from that, there were some damned annoying music videos, including that twit who tiptoes through tulips, My Chemical Romance, and that super-annoying, whiny whiny song by the Fray: "How to Save a Life." But it wasn't all annoying crap music -- I found a lot of fun stuff!
Yesterday, I made a post about how Enzyte -- and the company that makes it -- will likely disappear. Then, I remembered that I made this parody a few years ago...
Did you know that the term "mango" refers to a tango between two men? Well, I didn't. I just learned that a minute ago, and I'm appalled by my own ignorance. Here I was, thinking that a mango was just a yummy, yummy fruit!
But no, a mango is not just a yummy, yummy fruit! It's also a couple of hams!
(Stolen from Plushie Schwartz: pornographer, fursuitter, and spectacular trainwreck. (And obviously not safe for work, home, or anywhere else.) His blog is hilariously awful, an endless font of what-the-fuckery and laughter, and it's all ms_daisy_cutter's fault I'm reading it and howling.)
I can't believe you gave that no-talent misogynist thug-life-glorifying hack Fifty Cent a conductor's baton for your stupid fucking Vitamin Water ad. Please tell me you at least had a Viking Funeral for the baton afterward, because verily, Fifty Cent is made of such concentrated fail that the baton was probably begging to be euthanized after he touched it, never mind after he was done using it.
Couldn't you have used Bugs Bunny instead? Even if he's a cartoon character, he'd have done a much better job!
Mom and [Step-dad] watch a lot of TV, and despite myself, I've been watching a lot of it with them.
Dancing with the Stars, for instance, is pure cheese. But it has some damned nice eye-candy. I saw a whole bunch of people with perfect-or-damn-near bodies, and one kinda heavy-set woman who was not even remotely self-conscious about it. "Yes, I jiggle a lot, and I'm gonna use that jiggle!" Very sexy. I'm surprised she made it on the show at all, since she doesn't have that perfect dancer-body that practically no one in real life can attain, but I'm still delighted she did.
(Nothing against people with perfect dancer-bodies, mind. I like perfect dancer-bodies. But there's more to sexiness than that, and it's nice to see that a TV show can make that point, even if only with a token example.)
The rest of the stuff that's on, though... pure scare tactics. I can practically hear Sigourney Weaver on an endless loop: "be afraid, be very afraid!" It's inspired me to filk a Yes song...
You can watch TV, until you're scared to leave your house. It will feed your fears... "It can happen."
Hundreds of pedophiles seem to live in every town. You watch -- It can happen to you! It can happen to me! It can happen to everyone eventually!
It's a fright -- it's a fright -- It's a constant fright. The welfare queens are breeding like rats. It's a fright -- it's a fright -- It's a constant fright. Your children could be eaten by bats. It's a paranoid fantasy. You buy it like clothes at the mall.
Look up! Look down! Look out! Look around! Look up! Look down! There's a crazy world outside, and serial killers in your town!
It can happen to you! It can happen to me! It can happen to everyone eventually! As you see on the news, it can happen to you! When it happens, you're totally totally screwed!
...there's more to the song, but I'm still working on that. I should have the rest of it done by tonight.
Sat, Mar. 1st, 2008, 10:43 am Because advertising can always be much worse!
You know those AT&T ads, where they talk about "more bars," and put lots of visuals in the background? Five stacks of newspapers, each one taller than the one before it? Five skyscrapers, each one taller than the last? Five baguettes in a grocery bag, sticking out to varying degrees? Five flagpoles in a straight line, viewed from an angle that makes them look like those little bars that tell you how much signal your phone is getting?
Then, picture what this ad would look like if it were filmed in a sex shop. Five stacks of DVDs. Five dildoes lined up on a counter, ranging from "shot glass" to "Mr. Ed." Five butt-plugs in a row on a shelf in a glass case, ranging from "noob" to "Kirk Johnson." A flogger sitting on a shelf, with five strands of different lengths spread out under it.
There's a sex shop in my town. I wonder if they'd help me film an ad like this -- I feel safe in guessing that no one's ever asked them that before!
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mischievous