This is my front page. All comments here are screened; if you don't have my email address, you can drop me a line here. If I know your email address, I'll reply by email -- if not, I'll reply to your comment, and then rescreen both your comment and my reply.
It's also got every tag I have -- this is because my current LJ style doesn't include a tag index. (At least half of my participation on LJ is on my Treo. I chose this style because it loads quickly and it's still readable on a small screen.)
I'd tell you more about myself, but that's what my profile -- and the rest of my journal -- are for.
Roman Polanski is clearly a great director. There. I've said it.
Having gotten that token acknowledgment of his artistic merit out of the way, let's get down to brass tacks. He plied a thirteen-year-old girl with drugs and alcohol, and raped her. He admitted it, in court. Well, he admitted the statutory rape in court, mostly to avoid all the more serious charges he was facing.
I realize that many news services are saying he "had sex with her." Bull, fucking, and shit. He was in his forties, she was thirteen. The term sex should not even be used in the same sentence as Polanski's name, with respect to this incident. The correct terms are "rape," "child molestation," and "pedophilia." Harsh terms? Hell yes. He could have avoided having these terms applied to him by, I don't know, perhaps not being a dirty old man who drugged and raped a child?
I also realize that his victim wants to put this all behind her, to the extent of not wanting him to be further prosecuted, and all of Polanski's apologists are saying things like "let's respect her wishes and not lock him up." Let's ignore, for the moment, the likelihood that they probably wouldn't be so eager to "respect her wishes" if she wanted to castrate the sick fucker with rusty garden shears -- this isn't just about her anymore. Child molestation is one of the most reviled crimes there is. We, as a society, are rightly sickened by it. By encoding our disgust for child molestation into criminal law, we've taken on the obligation of dealing with people who perpetrate it. We aren't magically let off the hook because it happened thirty years ago¹, or because he's such a gifted artist, or because the victim has moved on.
Further, perpetrators don't just stop. Certain criminals, like pedophiles and other rapists, tend to keep doing it until they're forcibly stopped.
I hope he gets his ass nailed to a wall. And sadly, it appears I'm in the minority -- a wide variety of film industry movers and shakers, actors, actresses, and even political figures are defending him. What the fuck is wrong with all you people?
(By the way, I doubt that I really have to say this, but just in case? Please don't defend him here. Judging from prior controversies in my LJ, I feel safe in saying that you'll get torn to pieces for it -- and not only will I do nothing to stop it, I'll probably join in. If you absolutely must defend that scumbag, do it in your own LJ.)
A lot of people unfamiliar with the details of this case or US legal procedure might wonder about things like a statute of limitations. That doesn't apply here. It could conceivably apply if he'd managed to evade arrest and criminal charges for thirty years -- or not; I don't know what statute of limitations exists, if any, for this particular crime. He didn't evade justice, though. He pleaded guilty, clearly hoping for a token punishment, and ran like hell when it became clear he could actually get prison time.
A while back, Sam and Dean Winchester (from the TV series Supernatural) discovered that there are quite a few girls out there who would love to see them fuck. Someday, they may discover this (NSFW!!!!1111), but I'm sure it will never make it on the show. Someday, Jared Padalecki (the actor as opposed to the character) may discover this LJ, in which case he'll probably have a bunch of discussions with a lawyer, followed by a bunch of stiff drinks.
(That link is to the LJ of a photoshopper. Behind that link, you'll find lots of shopped images of Sam, with head pasted on yay, cock pasted on yay, ginormous rectal prolapse pastede on yay, and plenty more worse things. Do not click that link. You have been warned.)
Someday, I hope that they come up with a penis enlargement pill that actually works.
No, not for my benefit, though at first glance I suppose I could see why one might think that. Like many men, possibly even most men, I do have a little tiny voice in the back of my brain that wishes my dick were bigger, and this voice is impervious to reason -- it keeps going, despite assurances by assorted close friends that I have more than enough already. (A guy claiming to have a big dick on the internet. I bet you've never seen that before!)
No, I want to see a genuine penis enlargement pill for grander, more world-changing reasons. I started hoping for this when crackpig suggested that if guys could just take a pill and get big dicks, they would probably drive much smaller cars. Then, the implications just spread out in front of me. Guys who feel the need to compensate for small genitalia do so in a variety of annoying and obnoxious ways, ranging from huge gas-guzzling cars, to car stereos so loud they make your teeth rattle two blocks away, to insanely fast driving. With just one pill, we could have peace and quiet, and cleaner air.
That's not all, though. You've heard of the massive skyscraper forest over in Dubai, right? Think of that in terms of a whole bunch of people with more money than God, and a good deal less sense, all goading each other into ever greater acts of architectural excess. "My steel-and-glass cock bigger than your steel-and-glass cock! (Or it will be when they finish it.)" If these guys actually had respectably-sized cocks of the flesh-and-blood variety, maybe they wouldn't be pouring billions of dollars into building these massive penis substitutes. (And at a guess, there'd be no Trump Towers, no Trump Jet, no Trump et ceteras...)
And lately, someone else proposed a new one: we'd have less fraud in the world! Plushie Schwartz -- blogger, fursuiter, and spectacular internet trainwreck -- shares with us his belief (NSFW!) that, had Bernie Madoff had a bigger dick, his life -- and the lives of all those he swindled -- might have turned out differently!
But was this gigantic financial assault committed by a man trying to compensate for other shortcomings? That’s what a new book titled Madoff’s Other Secret claims. The author, Madoff’s alleged longtime mistress Sheryl Weinstein, writes:
"Bernie had a very small penis. Not only was it on the short side, it was small in circumference. That he was now pointing it out to me was telling. It clearly caused him great angst..."
(None of the links in this post are safe for work.)
This is FurTV. It's a show that gets played on MTV in the UK. It's fun, but made completely out of wrong. Try to imagine an even more demented version of Meet the Feebles, and you've got a good idea what FurTV is like.
This and this are two performances of Millie Jackson's "Phuck U Symphony in F minor." Well, actually, it's just called the "Phuck U Symphony." I added the F minor part.
This is an episode of Ask Alexyss, an advice column. In this episode, she goes in depth into male hygiene. In graphic depth. In really graphic depth. In really disgusting graphic depth.
(The first link was stolen from Sensible Erection. The latter two were stolen from ms_daisy_cutter.)
Short version: in a thread on people's personal experiences with abortion, she posted her story about how she defied the odds and brought a child to term. Not the time or place, really. Of course, when the OP replied to her, saying "i am happy you have a daughter, and i hope your daughter is happy that you are her mother," she replied "[thank you for the well-wishes, too bad the child you fathered got aborted and can't say the same about you]."
Cue dog-pile. Including me, and I generally don't like joining dog-piles when I show up to one that late.
I want to post this in cf_hardcore, partly because the post includes some people baring their souls on their own abortion experiences... but partly because pester isn't well-liked there, and most of the the members would be delighted to watch her getting dog-piled. (Let's just say that her habit of following us around and running off to talk shit about us every time one of us says something stupid hasn't earned her many fans there.) I suspect that it would be viewed as causing wank, though -- which is the only reason I haven't done it.
I'm pretty sure I've blown a few years of learning how to deal with anger in the minutes it took me to reply to her. When I wake up tomorrow, I may think twice about this. For now, I'm thinking, "yeah, I did blow it... and it was worth it."
I've tried a lot of flavors of vodka, including several fruit flavors and a couple of weird ones like chipotle and noble fir. Most of them were quite good. I don't think I could bring myself to try this one -- to me, it just sounds unspeakably gross. But then, you guys know me and how I feel about bacon in general.
Still, I'm sure this stuff will develop fans. Everything else with bacon does...
Recently, we lost one of three doctors in this country who perform late-term abortions¹. Well, no. We didn't "lose" him. That sounds like something trivial, like misplacing our fucking house keys. What really happened is some subhuman piece-of-shit fetus-hugger shot him down in cold blood in his own church.
A few pro-liar² activists are showing their true colors on this. Randall Terry is openly cheering Tiller's death³, and claims that Tiller reaped what he sowed. Jill Stanek is all but saying "one down, two to go." Most prominent pro-liars at least have to good sense to make half-hearted speeches about how appalled they are, leaving the "he had it coming" message in the undertones.
I have fucking had it with the pro-liar movement. I hope Scott Roeder fries. I hope he gets branded as a terrorist. And I hope that Operation Rescue is tied to it. Shouldn't be hard -- the internet preserves everything.
I wish I could say more, but I am too angry to think coherently. No doubt it's affected the quality of my writing, but I'm posting it anyway. It needs to be fucking said, even if countless people have already voiced it better than I have.
I'm guessing that most of the people reading my LJ already know this, but I'm going to say it anyway: late-term abortions are never done lightly. The pro-liar image of that stupid whore who casually aborts at eight months so that she can fit into her prom dress is a complete fabrication. Late-term abortions are performed either because the fetus is non-viable, or because it endangers the mother. Period. If you believe anything different... I am sorry. You've been lied to. Hardly surprising, though: the anti-abortion activists are interested in stopping abortion, and they are not above telling a shitload of lies in service to their cause.
Yes, I'm using the term "pro-liar." When the other side learns what the "pro-life" label actually means, I'll consider letting them have it back.
I know, I know. I cheered when Jerry Falwell died, and I cheered when Jesse Helms died. Shame on me. Ya know what? As much as I cheered when they died, none of my actions actually contributed to either of their deaths. And as much as I hate Pat Robertson and plan to cheer when he dies, none of my actions will contribute to his death, either. My side doesn't do that. My side is too busy pretending that the other side will view us as human beings if we try to engage them civilly.
A while back, I posted a link to a website called This Is Why You're Fat: a site that shows pictures of unbelievably disgusting food that'll kill you if you actually eat it. Well, someone who saw this site was inspired to make a site going equally way too far, but in the opposite direction: This Is Why You're Thin.
Okay, I tell a lie. Some of the stuff on This Is Why You're Thin actually looks edible. This, for instance, looks really damned good -- but then, it's got strawberries, kiwis, and mangoes on it, and you just can't fail with that combination. On the other hand, you have to try really hard to mess up a pizza, and yet, this one manages it.
(I have both thisiswhythin and whyyourefat on my friends list. They're both occasionally trainwrecky, just at different ends of the spectrum.)
You've heard of Susan Boyle, haven't you? For those of you who haven't, she's a kinda grandmotherish-looking lady who went on Britain's Got Talent, allowed the audience to roll their eyes dismissively... and then shocked the hell out of everyone by actually having pipes. Kinda heartwarming, actually.
In Jerry Springer: the Opera, Alison Jiear just wanted to fuckin' dance. After the opera, though, she's not averse to some fast food, or at least singing about it. The lyrics are kinda terrible, and the scene with the cannon was stolen from Cher, but you've got to give the lady credit for pipes.
I first learned that Florence Henderson had a career and talents beyond The Brady Bunch on an episode (four minutes in) of the Muppets. She's also done the most twisted version of "When You're Good to Mama" from Chicago I've ever seen.
As fond as I am of Tarja Turunen (formerly of Nightwish), there needs to be a special provision in the Geneva Convention specifically barring her from performing Nirvana songs (one minute in). Likewise for Tori Amos. Come on, ladies. Both of you have more talent in your pinkies than Kurt showed his entire life! Why are you doing this? Why, God, Why?
This Ḥanukkah Cake, as she calls it, is apparently in the same episode of Semihomemade as the infamous Kwanzaa Cake. (A few seconds into the clip, you can see the Kwanzaa Cake.)
About forty-five seconds in, she puts marshmallows in the center. The good news is that marshmallows don't clash with the other ingredients of her cake the same way that chocolate frosting clashes with apple pie filling. The bad news is that properly observant Jews don't eat marshmallows during Ḥanukkah. Or any other time, for that matter.
It's not even noon, and I need a drink. Fortunately, it seems Sandra Lee is good at drinks.
For those of you unfamiliar, there's this thing called Jerry Springer: the Opera. Don't scowl at me like that -- while the subject matter is very trashy, the music is actually quite good. Anyway, I've owned the two-CD set for a while, but apparently now it's available on DVD! (Unfortunately, it's only available for Region 2. Even if I did persuade someone in the UK to send it my way, I'm in Region 1, and my computer will likely refuse to play it. Ah, well. I've been meaning to learn about torrents for a while now, and this seems a good excuse. Of course, I'd rather have a legitimate copy that will actually play in my equipment...!)
Anyway, some excerpts! These are not even remotely safe for work.
You know what's more horrifying, and more shocking, than a home invasion in a small town, in which a teenage girl and three friends kill her mother and siblings and almost kill her father?
The thought that in said small town, teenagers apparently think that being bisexual is okay, possibly even cool!
No, really! Go ask Rod Dreher! Surely, we can trust his moral compass and sense of propriety!
(He at least has the good sense to claim that he's being horribly understood. It's a hopeless maneuver, since what he says and how he says it are pretty clear, but technically, he still had to try, right?)
For those of you unfamiliar, God Awful Fan Fiction was a website devoted primarily to finding really bad fanfic and tearing it to pieces for fun. I've wasted many happy hours there, but I became something of an infrequent visitor after a while, and a while back, the owner of the site closed it down. Well, I'm sick at home, and I'm feeling a bit nostalgic, so a few things I remember about the good ol' days...
I remember that GAFF was where I first ran into Ginmar. I'd started a thread on a proposal in Sweden to tax all men to raise money for services for victims of domestic violence. She burst into the thread, all guns blazing, and concluded from the fact that I posted this that I don't care when women get raped. I took that very poorly, having not only been there for a couple of women who've been raped and had to pick up the pieces afterward, but also helped pull a few teenage girls from parties where the purpose of the party was clearly to get them too drunk to say no. This colored my attitude toward her to the point that the next time she showed up and attacked one of my friends... well, I was kind of a douche. I've gained some respect for her since, but I still plan never to comment in her LJ, and she's still banned from mine.
I remember a piece of fiction in which the female character apparently had a prostate. This led to a discussion on how ignorant many fanfic writers are about even the basics of sex, and two of us guys who actually had sexual experience offered to field questions. This was a terrific thread, lots of people learned lots of things, and to this day I am proud to have taken part... and then came the words "orgy at my place," which took the thread in a very different direction. (For the most part, I went into lurk mode, since cybering is really not my thing and I'm terrible at it.) After a bunch of the Old Guard came in and broke the thread up... things were said.
I remember a thread on a of batshit insanity on the level of TimeCube, which included links to a site. Soon, the owner of the site, "Xanthius," showed up and threatened to irradiate us all. One of Xanthius' avatars was an old man with one eye, and since I was known as Loki on GAFF, I took that as a cue and started roleplaying. (If I remember right, Ayezur started it.) Soon, Xanthius had left the thread, leaving about a couple dozen of us to our RP.
I remember Miss Kitten having it on good authority that Brandon Routh, the guy who played Superman in the latest movie, was gay. A certain guy, whom I remember mostly for being a hard-core comic geek who favored green text, took this very badly. Flames erupted, followed by a flounce... until someone else came to GAFF, with the same encyclopedic knowledge of comic book minutiae and penchant for green text... but by that time, she'd moved on to bigger and better things. (Anyone heard from Miss Kitten lately? It's been a while, and I miss her.)
I remember Ouch and Shadsie, back from when they were BFFs. Other than having little in common with them, I kinda liked them both. Then, one day, they decided that they didn't like each other any more, and I (and the rest of the board) got sick of hearing about their stupid conflict day in and day out. Their antics showed up on Fandom Wank regularly, where Shadsie became known as a nut with anger issues and Millyfan became known as an attention whore. For a while, I tried to give basic lessons to Millyfan in not being a wanker... but then, at times, I'm the sort of person who bangs his head against a wall because it feels so good when I stop.
I remember sporking Aaron Agassi's work (which is less like shooting fish in a barrel than dropping a nuclear bomb on a small glass of water with a goldfish in it), and how he always came around to defend it. Several members of GAFF attacked his grammar, or him personally. I attacked his CSS -- on a webpage intended to show one's fanfiction (you know, text), one does not include large floating images with z-index values higher than that of the text. I explained this to him, and why... and he thanked me for the advice, but claimed that the values were as they needed to be for the sake of his "artistic vision."
I remember "Puppy," the anonymouse who was fucking her dad and very much willing to discuss it in a thread on incest. She portrayed it in a very positive light, but as the thread progressed, more and more of us smelled a rat. (The thread included a number of incest survivors, as well as a police detective who specialized in sex crimes.) Then, "Puppy" turned out to be a longtime member of GAFF, and from that point forward, no one could read any post by Hellfire without thinking "she fucked her dad."
Normally, I filter posts about GAFF, so that only people on my friends list who are themselves GAFF members can see them. This one is public. Share your own stories. If you know GAFF members who aren't on my list, but might have fun stories of their own, bring them here.
For some reason known only to Gods and Cats, I've been watching Chris Crocker on YouTube. Surely you remember "Leave Britney Alone!" Well, I've now seen a bunch of his videos, believe me, Leave Britney Alone is the tip of the iceberg -- the boy is nut-shit bats. I mean seriously deep-dish crazy.
Here, he bashes on girls who hit on gay guys, gets all territorial, and threatens to seduce their fathers away from them.
Here, he complains that dealing with facial hair and hair extensions is a lot worse than labor pains and menstruation, so all those girls need to stop bitching.
Here, he claims that there are no closets, and he's gay because he came out of his mother's vagina. Damn mothers, having natural child birth and forcing their children into contact with pussy...
Here, he bids all us haters to eat his cornhole. Eat it! EAT IT!!!
Here, he talks about how parents need to accept their children's choices in boyfriends or girlfriends, and he'd do that if he were ever a parent unless his son went out with one of those filthy diseased vagina bearers.
Here, he says he's not a joke. Methinks he protests too much?
At this point, I'm half-convinced he's actually a very gifted performance artist. Either that, or a plant installed by the Conservatives to make their opponents look bad. I'd complain about that, but it's not really fair for us Liberals to complain about that after having invented Anne Coulter.
The alternative is believing that he really is that batshit, and this possibility depresses me.
Baskin Robbins needs to start a new ad campaign. It would be slow pans over lots and lots of chocolate ice cream cones, as if they're waving ice cream tantalizingly under your nose saying "ooh, you want this chocolate ice cream, don't you?" It would have a voiceover talking about how wonderful their chocolate ice cream is, and how romantic it is to share a cone with someone you love.
A while back, I discovered Sandra Lee. Well, not quite -- lysana mentioned them to me in this post, and I eventually exploded over here. Sure, it could be argued that I overreacted -- in fact, a few of you argued just that -- but I was seriously appalled that Sandra Lee actually had a show.
Anyway, I bring this up because I'm starting to get the feeling that Sandra Lee is the goatse of cooking shows -- just as you never forget the first time you were goatse'ed, you never forget your first exposure to Kwanzaa cake. I'm sure that Jesse Taylor over at pandagon won't forget either. And this rant is superior to mine -- I couldn't find video at the time I first posted on this subject, and for all the mean-spirited attacks I made on her, I didn't think to call her a "domestic failorist."
This shit'll kill ya!
And on the subject of absurd, edible-but-only-technically food, I give you the website this is why you're fat: a collection of jumbo-sized food atrocities from all over the net. It's all here, as far as I can tell: the Bacon Explosion, Bacon Explosion Wellington, deep fried candy bars, pizza with toppings ranging from corn dogs to big macs, Turducken with bacon layers, a messy chili dog combining wagyu beef and crushed Fritos (why, god, why?), krispy kreme donut-bacon-cheeseburgers, and many more crimes against both food and humanity.
I've looked at every foodstuff on the site, and alternated between howling with laughter and adopting the fetal position on the floor. Not that I expect that all of these things are being eaten at once. Some of them, like the 30x-stuff oreo, and the two-foot-cube rice crispy treat, were clearly made for fun.
OMFG, I'm dyeing!
Oh, and one last food-related thing. A while ago, I tried beets, and rather liked them. I did notice one odd side-effect of eating them, though.
Y'see, there's this stuff in beets called betanin (C24H27N2O13), a natural reddish dye -- it's what gives beets their characteristic dark red color. I was careful not to touch the beets with my hands as I was steaming them, and in fact used a plate instead of a cutting board so that I wouldn't permanently stain the cutting board, because beet juice stains everything.
Anyway, betanin is a strong dye, but relatively harmless, and it's apparently also an antioxidant. In most people, it's broken down, but sometimes, in some people, it goes from one end of the digestive system to the other without breaking down. Then they go to the bathroom, and suddenly become very alarmed...
A feisty raccoon has bitten off a pervert’s penis as he was trying to rape the animal.
Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken weekend with pals when he leapt on the terrified -- but toothy -- fur ball.
"When I saw the raccoon I thought I'd have some fun," he told stunned casualty surgeons in Moscow.
Now Russian plastic surgeons are trying to restore his mangled manhood.
"He's been told they can get things working again but they can't sew back on what the raccoon bit off," said a pal.
"That's gone forever so there isn’t going to be much for them to work with."
Racoons are already well-known for being cute little bandits, but that's clearly not enough for them, now that one of them has heard The Hedgehog Song. "Hey, you know that hedgehog in the song? It should totally be US! We raccoons should have songs about how we can't be buggered at all, and I know just how to make that happen!"
And his little raccoon friends will look at him funny. "Dude, someone actually tried to bugger a hedgehog once. It went very badly."
"Yeah. And one day, someone will try to bugger one of us! I mean, look at us, we're fuckin' adorable! And you know humans, they'll fuck anything! I've seen them on the internet! We just have to be ready!"
"But hedgehogs have spines! We can't compete with that!"
"Sure we can! We just have to be meaner! One of these days, some human is going to want my cute little fluffy ass, and after I tear him to pieces, I'll be famous!"
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small}
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/syndicated.gif){kind=small}
annoyed